Cardi B's Breast Implants Help Her Float Because She Can't Swim
What did any of us do to deserve Cardi B? Just when your Instagram feed was getting too upsetting, what with Liam and Miley's posts about their separation and all, Cardi swooped in and rescued it—with a hilarious post about her breast implants. Turns out Cardi's implants don't just look incredible: If she ever finds herself in distress in a large body of open water, they might just save her life.
Cardi posted a picture on Instagram wearing bright red cargo pants, chunky black and white sneakers, and a sheer black top with carefully placed opaque patches. "I can’t swim so I bought these titties so I can float," she joked in the caption, much to the amusement of her followers. (As People helpfully points out, breast implants won't actually make you float, so please don't refuse a life jacket next time you're involved in a water-based crisis.)
In May, Cardi spoke to Entertainment Tonight about getting her breasts augmented after the birth of her daughter, Kulture. "I just got my boobs redone," she told Katie Krause. "I feel good, but then sometimes I feel like not, you know? [When] your skin is stretched out." She added, "Yes, my daughter fucked me up! She did, she so did."
The same month, she shut down critics who complained about her canceling shows in order to recover from surgery complications. "Health is wealth, so I have to do what I have to do," she said, as People reported. "My doctor was like, 'Yo, you cannot be doing all these shows because you’re not fully healed.'"
Since people won't stop having and expressing opinions about what others should do with their bodies, some criticized Cardi for getting surgery in the first place, telling her to exercise instead. Her perfect response? "I do whatever the fuck I want with my body."
"My job as an entertainer is a 24-hour job, bro. So, no, I don’t have time to work out," she said. "And I wanted specific things that I know that no matter how much I work out, is not going to get fixed. Like my boobs, no matter how much I work out, they’re not going to lift themselves. So yeah, I had to get fucking surgery." Plus, would working out enable her boobs to save the lives of her and others should their ship sink with insufficient lifeboats for everyone on board? I don't think so!
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